Song for the weary and brokenhearted mariner 08/29/2012
In the beginning it was easy,
Sails were full, sleep existed as a
Tangible thing, and the moments
That proved to me that I had the
Best job ever were common and
Intense.
Now, however things have changed.
Good friends have departed in great
Numbers, with many yet to go.
Our company is slim and we are all
Tired, so tired. Everything feels heavy,
Leaden under the fatigue and frustration.
The pay was never good but appears so
Much worse in light of this somber
New dynamic. Being broke and happy
Is one thing, being broke and miserable
Is quite another.
The crushing pressures of life outside
Of this ship were mitigated when
Things were better, happier, more
Carefree. But with mind deep in
Blackened rabbit hole they are all
Far too present, crushing, devouring in all
Their misery.
Seeing me sad and angry today my
My friend and ship mate Pasquale asked me
“what is wrong?” my response was caught
In my brain and saved for this moment.
“while I am trapped here my father is
Wilting slowly into his grave, and all the while
Clinging to the tattered edifice of a god that
Failed even to fail him.”
His god, not mine, who was never even real enough to fail,
Could not even achieve failure. The god whose
Shoddy constructions I wish to shatter
And expel flaming into the darkest
Bottom corner of the collective
Consciousness of mankind.
Quite simply I am pushed beyond
My means to push back, confidence rapidly
Growing or not I cannot bear this as well as others
Try as I might. My strength comes and goes.
My soul has a tide it seems, which renders it
Prone to the predations of this world.
The armor has grown thinner, the darts and barbs
Find their mark more frequently and the pain,
The pain becomes more intense with each
Consecutive piercing of the walls. I am a flesh and
Blood incarnation of “warrior at respite.” Both mind
and body weary, heart broken, soul rapidly flowing out of wounds.
Give me strength…
Give me a steady sailing breeze and a long haul past the horizon…
Give me an encouraging word…
Give me your strength that I may give
You mine in return, we are alike you and I
And meant to shore each other up
As we walk through this world.
Give me your smile and mine is yours for the taking as well
Give me the favorable light of your eyes,
Bright and shining, they make my heart
Full with gladness and mine can do
The same for you.
Merciful father you are no god but
My fellow man and fellow woman, all
Things good and evil flow through you for
Their appointed purpose. Let me take your
Best with your worst and rise up proudly
To face the coming day, the pink blush
Of the crystallizing new sun my call to action.
My brother and my sister make your
Feet to follow mine in the grass, lay in it
With me as sun warms us, feel the
Good of the day, raise me up from this
Blackness, show me light as I show
It also to you.
My fellow man, work with me today
And sweat by my side, my hands are yours,
My muscles and sinews yours, my bones and their joints
Yours. We are collective in our task and purpose.
I stand beside you and you by me.
I will not forsake you.
My fellow woman, be strong and tolerate the moments
When I am not. I have seen the strong legs and hips that
Support you and I find them to be beautiful. You abide
Where others may not. Your strength is strong enough to bring
Forth and nourish new life. Press your flesh to mine and feel
The hair on my head, my chest,
my legs. All of me is both
Mine and yours. I would forsake the garden for you willingly.
The animals would go unnamed in my absence.
My father, be strong for all of us, I have your blood
And so much more of you. Your strength and weakness mine
As well. I take them gladly. Stay strong with us but a while longer.
I hold you close to me. I am not ready to take your place at
The head of our table. Stay. Stay. Stay.
My mother, fear not the future. This time is trying and strange
For both of us. The sequence of events
moved forward cruelly
Beyond its respective place. Nonetheless, fear not, I will never
Leave you nor abandon you who raised me, and taught me, and
Loved me and cared for me all the years of my life.
All of this is but a moment, besmirched by circumstance
And the negativity of a few miserable souls.
It is not meant to be like this but it is so.
It is not meant to be like this but it is so.
It is not meant to be like this but it is so.
Sleep will come again.
The sun will shine again.
I will feel the warmth of your skin on mine at night again.
We will smile freely again.
Your loved ones and friends will be close and whole again.
You will love your ship and lot again.
I know this to be true.
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