Sunday, December 2, 2012

Something for the beaten down feeling.

So, here I sit in a Days Inn In Philly without even a clean pair of boxers to my name. I will be happy if I even get my carry on back and it is getting hard to keep fighting. Life always seems to thwart our plans, making this man feel very much like a mouse at times. Some times it feels like all I need is a grand and a push in the right direction. I just can't ever seem to get that at the right moment. The knowledge that I probably won't be able to be close to someone I love intensely, simply because I am broke just shreds me to the core. I re-read this poem tonight because it is all about this feeling. It is one of two pieces I got accepted for publication. Maybe somebody else could use it now too.

As long as you’re still here you've won
There may not be many jobs.
The loan men may be lighting up
your phone like the bloody 4th.
You may have two bald tires
on your car. But, the check engine
light isn’t on, you have a job, such
as it is, and you have the guts to keep
waking up and facing it.
As long as you’re still here, you’ve won.

You may feel that another 4 years
for a PhD is more than you can stomach,
that women will judge you for
living in your parents attic, that you
don’t fish as much as you would like to.
But, you have a place to sleep, food to eat
And enjoy what little free time you have.
As long as you’re still here, you've won.

The cats may piss in your corner,
And halve your phone charger cord in the
Night. You might not have any spare cash.
The future projected through CNN looks bleak,
at best. But, the cats are excellent foot warmers,
and CNN can be muted or, shut off all together.
As long as you’re still here you've won.

You may feel cheated, may feel that doing
what you were “supposed” to has cost you
your happiness, stability, prosperity. You may feel
that had you struck out on your own
course it would all be better.
The debt may seem astronomical, insurmountable, and
terrifying. But, you still find reasons to smile every day,
and debtors prison no longer exists.
As long as you’re still here you've won.

Your high school classmates may be teachers, welders,
mechanics, with benefits, wives, children, houses, and nicer vehicles.
But, they are all fat, safe, comfortable, mundane, moronic,
and pitiful. Ragged though you might be you are still
lean, strong, hungry for life, and always looking for
that next ship, the next seemingly absurd adventure.
The next horizon seen from aloft.
As long as you’re still here you've won.
This fact will never leave you nor forsake you,
as long as you’re still here.

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